Dr. Warty Hugeman and the Mad Professor Syzygy

“Is this supposed to frighten me, Professor Syzygy? I’m not someone who frightens easily.”

“You will know an eternity of fear before this infinite day is over, Dr. Hugeman. I shall lecture you on it! I shall hold a seminar!” Syzygy screamed. His miter board fell of his head as he gestured wildly with his crackling plasma yardstick.

Dr. Warty Hugeman struggled to break the unbreakable student desk he had been tied to with unbreakable bonds while suspended from an unbreakable rope over a pit of writhing ultravipers. He knew the lethality of the ultravipers; he had bred them himself in order to wipe out the royal family of an alternate Earth ruled by superintelligent and sexually depraved chipmunks. He had made a monument out of their shat out bones.

“Do you really expect me to tell you where the timesuit is?” Warty asked, sneering.

“No, Dr. Hugeman. I expect you to die!” Syzygy chortled.

“You stole that from a movie!”

“No I didn’t! I was saying that a billion years before Ian Fleming was even born! Fleming stole it from ME!” Syzygy swung the plasma yardstick at a globe on his desk and it exploded into flames.

Warty struggled more, straining his muscled bulk at his bonds. “Are these things really unbreakable?” he asked, after the Professor calmed down.

“Completely! I took them from a Pain Brothel in the Dominatrix System!”

“Is there any particular reason why I'm naked, Professor?”

“It's not like that, you oversexed goon!” Syzygy shook the turgid Cervix Smasher at Warty accusingly. “You know I had to get this off of you.”

“Be careful with that, Professor. It's very sensitive.” The Professor screamed in disgust and dropped the massive set of weaponized genitals. 

Warty strained against the ropes once more. They needed to be weakened. He concentrated and sent a command to his feet and wrists to begin producing acidic sweat. He let his fingertips fall off and used the diamond edges of his fingerbones to saw at the ropes. A thin trickle of explosive prostatic fluid began to run from the connection valve of the Cervix Smasher. His salvia glands initiated production of blinding venom. His canines grew two inches. He loaded a fart of concentrated VX gas into his rectal cannon.

“I’m going to slap you to death with my robocock when I get loose, Professor. I suggest you start running now.” The ropes began to part under the onslaught from his fingerbones. A powerful charge was gathering in his pubic hair. “If you’re fast enough, I might leave some small part of you slightly unfucked.”

Professor Syzygy stared in horror as Warty pulled one foot loose and then the other, the unbreakable ropes parting like rotted silk.