"I see it as well, Warty Hugeman. Maybe our journey is almost at an end," Simon transmitted.
They both began to move faster through the intestinal tunnel. The light grew so bright they could make out every ghastly detail. There was a kernel of corn larger than the house Warty had grown up in. There was something that might have been a thoroughly chewed and digested Lincoln Continental. They marveled at a polyp larger than a football stadium.
When they made it around the colonal bend, they saw the source of the light. It was a colossal machine propping open the entire large intestine. They ran toward it. The scale of it was unbelievable. It was larger than most spaceships Warty had ever stolen. There was a crease in the bottom of the great circular collection of pipes and valves and intricate, if massive, cogs. The machine towered over them as they got closer.
She was waiting for them when they finally arrived at the base.
"Took you long enough," she said. She was in her mid-twenties and beautiful, a transparent bubble helmet showing off her heart-shaped face. While Warty studied her, she pulled out a pistol and shot Simon in the face.
"Simon!" Warty screamed, catching him before he fell to the muck-encrusted floor of the colon.
"I'll kill you, bitch," Warty growled, weapons springing from his hands and pants.
"Calm down," she said. "That's not Simon. Go on, look."
Warty looked down at Simon's ruined face. Bone and blood and brains spilled out.
"Robots don't bleed," she said. "Unless they are on their period, of course."
"What it is this?" Warty demanded, shaking the corpse of the impostor of his robotic friend.
"Some Time Institute idiot, after your suit as always. You should just let them a have an old one, you know. In every universe they've gotten a hold of one they just blow themselves up trying to take it apart."
"What is this place? Who are you?"
"This is the engine of Balloonknot," she said, sweeping her hand up at the machine. "I invented it so I could drive this butt planet around."
"Why?" Warty had let the body go and was picking bits of gore off the timesuit.
"So I could find you, of course. Spread enough rumors around about a giant ass planet, and you were bound to show up. Especially with your ego."
"What you do mean by that?" Warty was growing bored and angry and felt like he had been tricked.
"Didn't you recognize it? It is your ass, after all." Her giggle was high and clear, like shattering glass.
"How could it be my ass? My ass is right here!" Warty said, snaking a hand back to check.
"Well, it's one of your asses. There are an infinite number of them, after all. In the universe this ass is from, you decided to never stop getting bigger. When you were eventually killed, only your butt and parts of your pelvis weren't parceled up to feed your trillions and trillions of victims. Truly Giant Warty was a real evil bastard. I stole your butt for my own use."
"Why would you do that?"
"I'm your daughter, silly. I'm Alys Hugeman."